Ideally

In an ideal world, like a utopia or a fantasy

I would fall asleep by her side, for eternity.

We would spend Fall, my favorite season, together on any squared meter of her territory.

From harvest time to Christmas, her mountains and her island are where I want to be.

Some days here, some days there, I’d like to be anywhere she needs to be, on her territory.

Kiss her goodnight. Wish her well for the day. Spend my time ecstatic at the idea of being

Reunited, when she could tell me the things she wants to tell me, incl. how her day has been,

Before I could move along her little routine, gleefully, feeling as grateful and hopeful as can be.

Right before New Years, and for the most part of my most feared season, when Winter is coming

I need to be, predominantly, as far as I can be, from minus 40

With my body, heart and soul, quietly recharging

New England and The Cape have had that sort of appeal to me

In the Winter, I feel like they are calling, and I would hope that she could spend time there, loving.

She is way too significant to be able to escape to the Cape all winter long, I get it.

Therefore, I would never ask her to drop her cases and pack up her suitcases to follow me.

We may go long distance when I need to escape to the Cape, since the Cape is where

I wish I could be able to say that I belonged there, even only for a quarter of my time, and that it

Was reciprocal, i.e. that I felt at home on foreign land, while foreign land welcomed me,

That is, that I could have the opportunity to be a cheerful alien surrounded by community.

When I am there, as strange as it may sound to my younger self mocking me

I do not wish to Telephone Maison. I feel at home. I am where I need to be.

The territory, the people, the culture, the history, the meaning of it all, to me

Are there, waiting, since forever, for our current century, hoping, patiently.

When comes Spring, I must go through Easter diligently.

All I want for Easter, is to find myself worshiping, surrounded by community.

I want to think about what Easter means.

I want to live by what Easter represents.

I want to sow the patches that I can, between my children’s and my history.

I can spend Spring wherever I need to be, to best sow my patches, incl. to her history.

Where she is for Spring and Easter is the core of community, to which I would fancy

Adding my pieces, that of my children, to all the other pieces belonging to her history.

In other words, wherever she says she must be, for Spring, Easter included, is where I’ll want to be,

Sowing patches here and there all around her, for as long as she tells me it is part of her community.

Summertime can go exactly the way she has planned it, to the T.

Summertime is where she can benefit the most from my flexibility.

Summertime is when sky’s the limit, as in:

“Yes, this place too, I would fancy!

Wherever you need to be. Wherever you want to go. Just take me

With you, if you can,

So that I have a chance or two at building a memory

Or even plenty, admiring you,

Discovering something, appreciating somewhere, doing your thing,

As I try not to bother you and hold on to the hope of helping

You out, with you conducting, you being you, while all I do is admiring.”

If this sounds unreasonable, I’d love not to be reasonable.

If this sounds like someone who cannot commit, it’s because my commitment goes to her

First, then to everything and everyone who is relevant, to her. That’s what commitment is, to me.

If this sounds all over the place, it’s because no other place on earth compares to where she

Needs to be, loves being, has an interest, in any shape or form, in going.

She’s not all over the place, by any means.

She knows her place, and I am following.

***

To present one way of expressing feelings in a constructive fashion

Offert gracieusement par SCM-SK